Thursday, September 14, 2006

Work and a Weird Dream

Work and a Weird Dream

I'm starting to realize that if I'm going to succeed at work, I'm going to have to... well... WORK. But I don't wanna!! I don't like calling strangers up and trying to convince them that they need to let me into their homes. I don't like going all over creation to show people a product they don't really want. Of course, I do feel that my product is both beneficial and worthwhile, but it's a different matter to convince them. And I don't like having to be all bubbly all the time.

Okay... all done whining. On the plus side: I enjoy having a place to go everyday; I enjoy having a chance to actually miss my son and husband; I enjoy being able to talk about something other than my son and husband; and I enjoy having friends separate from my son and husband. For so long my life has revolved around my family, that I began to feel that I was losing myself. That was a tough feeling. But it's amazing how a job has changed all that. I feel like more of a well-rounded individual. I feel like I am a better listener: I'm no longer trying to steer conversations toward something I can identify with.

Also... I had a really weird dream last night about my family and my high school friends. It's stuck with me all day, and I can't get it out of my mind. I am beginning to feel as though it were real, which is really weird. I'm not going to get into it all right now, as my face is about to split in two from all my yawns. It's what I get for chatting with a friend until midnight, and then expecting to hop right off the computer. heehee...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Good things...

Today started out horribly!! Ziggie and I got in a fight. BabyBear would not obey me. The dog got out not once, but three times!! The doctor's office didn't realize what the attention span of a two year old is, and made us sit forever and ever.But it got better. The doctor told me nothing was wrong with either of us (BabyBear or myself), so I'm not worrying too much.

I'm not in as much pain as I was yesterday. Partly because I wasn't stupid and didn't walk six miles yesterday (only two) -- I can walk better now that my muscles aren't yelling at me for walking too much; and the rest because the physical therapist fixed me!! I went in and she looked at me again, and said... "I don't think your one leg is longer than the other at all! I think you're just out of whack." So she gave me an amazing massage on my back (actually she was realigning my hips. It just felt really, really good.) While she did that, we talked about our kids and our jobs, and I grew to like her more than I did already. So I was relaxed a little, and then I stood up, and presto!! No pain!! It's amazing. It really is. I can even bend over now and not really feel the pain in my back. I just can't explain how good it feels to be without pain for the first time in months!! I mean, it's still a little sore from being used incorrectly all this time, but still... And still today it feels great!! I leaned over my son's bed tonight -- with him in my arms!! I haven't done that pain-free for over six months.

Then I went to work, where I won a 20" flatscreen T.V. But I get the cash for it instead. :D We had hamburgers and brownies and a big celebratory end of August meeting today. It was very fun, very encouraging, and very motivating. I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow!!

Then BabyBear was in a great mood tonight, and I got to spend some time with him and Ziggie. That was really nice. I miss my munchkin during the day and my man at night.

Well, I really, really wanted to get to bed before 11:30 tonight, so I'd better go. :D I'm not going to make my goal, but I don't have to leave it in the dust!!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


I saw a rainbow today. It was beyond beautiful. It disappeared halfway into the clouds, for just a moment, and gave way to the bluest sky I have seen in a long time. Because it was nearly sunset, the blue was laced with pink and cream. I cannot tell you what a balm the day has been for me.

In keeping with my rainbow tradition:

I went to work today, and learned some things that I think will really, really help me. Guess who I work for... Rexair: the company that invented the Rainbow cleaning system. These wonderful tidbits were passed on to me before I saw God's promise displayed to His wandering creation.

I took my son for a walk around the block today. Three times around is a mile, and he was a gem for the whole mile. Then I took the dog for a walk, and we did another three times around.

I spoke with my grandpa today, whom I haven't spoken to since like Easter-ish. Hmmm... before that, because it was before my littlest sister was born. Grandma works the night shift at the hospital, so he was kind of lonely and doing nothing, and I was kind of lonely, a little worried about my son, and doing nothing. So I strapped on my tennis shoes and did ten laps while I talked to Grandpa on the phone. I realized half-way around the tenth time that I was practically dragging the dog, who was asleep on his feet, and I came in and talked to Grandpa during my cool down. We talked for nearly 90 minutes, and it was wonderful!!

Plus, I walked a total of five and one-third miles, and I feel wonderful.

As evidenced by the fact that I am up typing at quarter after one, rather than sleeping. Tomorrow/today I have physical therapy for my back, and I'm a little nervous. I did do my exercises, and am eager to see if there is any physical improvement. I am a little ashamed because I didn't try as hard as I could have on some days, and I know that she will be able to tell. I know that when I don't do my exercises, I am wasting both my time and hers... but I'm afraid that sometimes that knowledge is not enough to motivate me. I need to become more unselfish and let my love for her guide my exercises.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'm going to dream of rainbows... the pretty ones, not the ones that look like a Star Wars character.

50 first dates... with my Redeemer

So this morning (being Tuesday morning) I was sitting on the sofa, holding my little man in my lap, cuddling with him under the covers, and thanking God for every precious moment that He was giving me with this wonderful gift. Suddenly TinyToes jumped up, turned off the T.V. and turned to me with a grin. "Time to go to church," he announced proudly, startling me out of my reverie. And I smiled. My little boy knows what it is like to attend church every Sunday, and someday he will know that it means more than spending time with special friends, singing "Jesus Loves Me", and watching Veggie Tales. We have begun his love affair with the Lord at an early age, and I am eager to see what his little heart and mind have to teach me about loving my Christ.

So I got up, and we got ready for the day. I admit that I was sad that he had finally fully awoken. There are very few moments when the child is actually still, and even rarer are the moments when he allows me to cuddle with him while he is still. Usually I'm cuddling a squirming Booger. But then the bustle of life started and I found new joys in conversing with this tiny child. I quizzed him on where this article of clothing went, and how to put on that one. He laughed and smiled, and was everything that a young mother dreams her child will become: accomodating, sweet, gentle, happy, well-adjusted, and unknowingly showing me that he has truly trusted every aspect of his well-being into my hands. He was loving me unconditionally, as few people over the age of six are capable of doing. I pray that we can find a way to nurture this in him, to grow it, and to "train him up in the way he will go" so that "when he is old, he will not depart from it."

It bothers me sometimes that I am able to pray for my child what I cannot pray for myself. I hope things for him that I do not yet desire in my own walk with the Lord. This bothers me. I cannot be an example to my baby, and he will learn most of his faith away from home, instead of from me -- the one he should be learning from.

Anyway... I took him to his daycare so that I could get started on my own busy day, and on my way back, I noticed that two more roses bloomed overnight on the bushes under my front window. And it struck me:

A few weeks ago, I thought that those rose bushes were dead. They had no leaves, and few branches. I had transplanted them from another garden in the hopes of creating my own garden -- a plentiful supply of my second favorite flower. (My first favorite is the daisy, which is glorious in all it's simplicity.) In the process of transplanting, however, many of the bushes did indeed die. I planted the roots anyway, hoping that in a year or two, I may have new plants. We'll see.

So I see these two beautiful new blooms: a distinct pale pink -- each petal as soft and vibrant as a silken breast cancer ribbon. I walked right up to the plant to get a good smell of these lovely dew covered "rose babies" (my pet name for a brand new bloom). And I saw the stems from two flowers that had bloomed last week. It's funny because the old ones stems and the new roses formed a kind of stair step pattern, reminding me of Christmas pageants where four kids stand on two stairs. The bottom row had lost all of the petals, and the stamen were all bowed outward. They really just looked sad and dreary and done. I was very tempted to just cut them now, but didn't because I know that those stamen are heavy with whatever it is they make (is it pollen?), and are going to fertilize other plants to become new buds. But oh! are they ugly! And the two "babies" were so beautiful, each petal separated from the other in that "second day rose" phase. And it reminded me of all that God has done in my life. Those four roses represent the difference between what I was, and what I am now; what I could have been, and what I could be.

And that... that right there... That is why every day I fall more in love with my true Redeemer. Even when I am disappointed about my choices and what I have ruined for myself, even when I am wallowing in self pity and pride, He lifts me up. He turns my rotten, old, half eaten flowers into the germination of a beautiful, wonderful, and bountiful garden.

How could I not fall in love all over again?