Saturday, February 04, 2006

Big boy

Yesterday was my son's second birthday. I can't believe how big he's getting!!We had a party for him today. It was supposed to be small -- family only. I forgot how many kids my family has. :D We had five kids in our tiny house today, and six adults!! It was loud and crowded and so much fun!!

I really enjoyed seeing my family again. I feel like I've turned a corner with my mom, and we've finally figured out a way for our relationship to work. I didn't feel tense at all with her!! Unlike with my mother-in-law -- who wanted so badly for things to go smoothly and for me to impress my family. I found myself biting my tongue, because she loves us so much. She did help a lot, actually. I also found myself resisting the urge to fight her just to fight her.

I am working on leaving things just as they are as long as I can stand it. I'm trying to desensitize myself to mess and to my different neurocies. MiL often commented on the things I was studiously ignoring. I didn't want this party to run my day, and I found myself avoiding making decisions simply by saying "no."So she got a cake and a couple of snack trays and we didn't get the spots out of the carpet. :D I thought it was a great compromise.

We had a lot of fun celebrating my son's big day. I don't think he quite understood what was happening. He realized "ooo, Mine!" with the toys, but I don't think he understood why all the people were there at the same time, circled around watching him get his gifts.

This little boy is so big now. He does so much by himself. Today he found a cup that was half full of water just sitting on the table. He picked it up and started drinking. I helped at first, but soon saw that he didn't need help. It wasn't until the very end of the cup that he spilled all down his front. He carried that cup and set it down and drank from it, just like a big boy. He uses sentences, and shares better. He's learning so much every day!! The other day I was using Ziggie's phone, and when I was done, I tossed it to him. Later, Ziggie let Baby play with the phone, and when he was done pretending, he tossed the phone to his daddy.

He has been such a treasure to me in the past two years. My entire life revolves around his sweet little being. I changed my eating habits for him. I changed my goals, and my schedule, and my friends. All for this beautiful little child. And every night, when I'm rocking and singing to him, and he snuggles up on my shoulder, I think to myself "he's worth it. He's worth every moment I've spent awake when I could have been sleeping, every moment that I was cleaning when I could have been partying, working when I could have been studying -- every goal, every breath, every moment -- he's worth it all. And then some."

It amazes me that Christ knew about my little boy before I did. When HE was walking to Calvary, I wonder if my little boy and his temper tantrums and his "mine!" and "no!" crossed His mind. Did HE consider every single sin? Or just greed, rebellion, and disobedience in general?

In watching my son grow up, in teaching him to be the man that I pray he will someday become -- I am growing up; I am gradually becoming the person my parents pray that I will someday become. This beautiful child...

Beautiful Baby... I love you so much.

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