Friday, February 17, 2006

Yesterday I worked my butt off and managed to complete three homework assignments that are way way past due. They were due January 16th. Wow... I didn't realize it had been that long. But anyway, I got them done, and now I'm waiting on the prof before I can work on the next assignments.

I worked again last night. I am so thrilled to be back at work. I love this job so much!! Nothing went right yesterday though. The barcodes wouldn't scan so we typed everything in manually which takes about three times as long. But I booked my little toosh around that store and managed to hit 388 pieces an hour. They were hoping to get 200 an hour. :D I ended the night with an average of 354 an hour, and I am just thrilled with that!! This job is perfect for anal retentive people, and I'm awesome at it.
I think that's why I like this job so much -- I'm awesome at it. I'm a good wife and a great mom. I'm a decent housekeeper and a pretty good cook. I drive safely and I enjoy programming. But I'm not stellar at anything. It feels really really great to be stellar at something.
PJ -- that's why some people devote so much time to work. They're good at it, and it's nice to be good at something -- even if you don't really want to be good at that. I would much rather be a stellar wife and mother. But I'm not. And the harder I try, the more I fail. The harder I try at work, the greater I get. I love that feeling. I feel like I'm flying.I love that even though I'm still a novice (I've only worked a total of less than 20 stores), I'm great. My boss was so impressed with my work last time that they hired me back this time, even though they weren't hiring for nights and weekends. They just like the fact that I work hard and I don't complain when I hate what I'm doing (like last night. I've still got a crick in my neck from looking at all those tags and trying to read those tiny numbers. I also hate when I go to a hardware store and they have like 45 little tiny bags on a hook filled with screws and stuff, and there's like 100 kinds of screws, each with a different hook, and plenty of stock).

Today I'm resting a little. I'm going to nap when Baby does, and I'm going to read a book instead of watching TV. Ziggie and I might get to go on a date, and I am going to thoroughly enjoy that. I miss him, and I find myself getting "clingy" in the middle of the day. I want nothing more than to call and chat with him, like we used to do in the middle of the night when I was at college. But he's working so that he can pay all my bills, and he's definitely not a very clingy person. :D I love Ziggie so much. I wish I could put it all into words. I usually write poems to describe my intense feelings, but there are two people I can't write for -- Ziggie, and my mom. How do you put so much feeling, so much love, down on paper? Whenever I try, it comes out stiff and awkward. I want it to feel real. I want it to just flow out of my heart and not to have to work at it. I feel badly that the two people I love the most in the world I can't write for -- but I just don't know how to let go of those feelings. I'm almost afraid that if I write them down, if I put them on paper, then they won't be in my heart anymore. I know that's silly... but if you're a poet or a writer, then you probably understand.

Well, I'm going to go get my tiny little man and play with him for while. He's getting so big... so beautiful. Yesterday we had a real conversation on the phone. I said "Hi" and he said "Wo?" (His word for Hello), and he told me about the boy next door pushing him on accident, and the cars he played with, and the blocks, and the puppy and Apache, and how much he loved his daddy. It's so amazing how much he can communicate now. I love it and hate it. I miss the tiny little boy who didn't have a choice if I picked him up. He could fight, but I was Mommy and I could hold him if I wanted. Now he'll pat my cheek and say, "No, Mommy. I want down." I love my baby so much that I'm crying right now... I need to go hold him.

1:18 PM -- SO I get back from the sitter's with my son, and what do I find? My poor dog was so bored that he chewed up my library book. I'm in the middle of a great story, so I think I'm going to tape it back together at least enough for me to read. We'll see how much the library charges me for it, and we'll go from there. Man... I'm bummed. I really wanted to finish my chapter!

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