Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Why blog?

I was reading a post by a friend that I really admire. She had a lot to say about "blogs" -- where they came from and why she started one.

As I was reading this post, I saw something interesting. She stated that she didn't want to use her blog to say things that she would normally be too timid to say in person.

For me, that is one of the benefits of a blog. I feel like what I say on my blog is more honest, more open, than I feel comfortable with in person. You can see an entirely different side of me -- one that I rarely let out in person. In person, I am too timid, because a person may not have a choice about hearing what I have to say. I choose my words very carefully, and slowly construct every sentence. Or else I fly off the handle and don't say what I really want to say, and end up sorry later.

On my blog, a person always has the choice not to continue reading. I can be as honest as I want, and if they don't want to hear it, then they don't have to keep reading. On my blog, most sentences are written as I feel them, but a few are also carefully crafted. I can be loud and angry, without saying things that I don't mean or didn't want to say.

I find that when I argue on-line, I fight more fairly. I say what I am really thinking deep down, as it comes to me, but I have the option of backspacing and using a different word, or deleting the sentence entirely. So I'm still mad and upset and vent those feelings, but I don't damage a friendship too badly like I tend to do when I fight in person.

It's one of the reasons I haven't shared my writings with my parents yet. There are things in here that are true, and that I want people to know... but I'm not ready to share with my parents. And someday, I will simply say to them, "Mom, Dad... I want you to read my journal." And they will see the part of me that I have been hiding -- the part I've been too scared to show them.

That's actually the whole reason I started blogging. I was reading this other blog, and I wanted to put my two cents in. At the time, I was really mad at my church, but I didn't know how to tell them all my feelings, and I wasn't brave enough to do it to their face.

I guess, there's a sense of validation that I really need right now. And I know that this is a venue where I can get that. Or people will tell me flat out: "Girl, you're off your rocker. Get with the program here!" And I don't have to hear it from people that I really love. I don't get mad at them; they don't get mad at me; and in my own little world, it all works out in the end.


Barb said...

Hi, friend! I really enjoy reading your journal (at times my heart aches with you, at others I soar with you--your writing is very real and alive). I think blogs can be started for different reasons--I have prayed for years to be like the "Velveteen Rabbit," which is real through and through, so I have been working for years on making my inside and outside balanced. Before balance comes, however, there has to be exploration, and as you said in your own words, you are doing a lot of work here.

I love the person I see, friend. You are facing things head-on in the best way you can. You are not using your blog to obscure your real self, or to hide behind while you take potshots at others, or to relate with others in place of having "real-time" relationships.

Someone once told me to appreciate how I was made up. She said I was a many-faceted person, and that I may not know what I am looking at is a diamond, but I sure can point out its many facets.

Well, I'm delighted to have met my match in you and then some, Claire-Elaine. You are a joy and delight to God's heart, and mine as well. Love you lots. Barb

Anonymous said...

Hey Claire-Elaine. Just wanted to say hello. I guess I will leave a short comment on blogging also! I don't use mying to say things that I wouldn't say in person, but I am also the type of person that does say what I think and feel. I don't feel the need for an outlet. Not to say that an outlet is wrong because each person must find some way of being honest with their thoughts and feelings. Well I hope and pray that your son feels better soon also. God bless!!!